My plan is to drive Grandma to Calgary where we can get help with ending her life, but like all the simplest things, it’s becoming complicated and a pain really fast. Even loading her into the car, never mind dressing her, showering her and wiping her ass took a lot more time than usual.
I feel a little weak. I think I caught a bug. I’ve been coughing and wheezing. It’s cold, already, and we’re barely out of town. How will it be even further north?
I don’t really care. It’s just, so you understand me, I do constantly feel alone, like I’ve been left behind. Maybe it’s a generational thing. I know to focus on the good stuff. Just think: there’s Grandma there in the back seat where I had managed to seat belt her upright.
Sometimes, my hope for a dignified end for her is the only thing that keeps me going.
It’s not like I really want any of this. I was never the caretaker type. The problem is, there really isn’t anyone else. No one to help her except me, and no one at all to help me. My wife left within six months of our marriage. My brother doesn’t give a rat’s ass about her or anyone. Our parents both died right at the start of Covid.
So, the only real thing I had in my life that was good was Grandma. Well, and poker. That’s another story, I probably won’t talk about that much.
The thing is, it had gotten really complicated, and it’s hard to even explain all the things that had happened. I still love the game, I sure hope they have cards in Canada. I really, really loved playing on the Endboss Cardroom Live stream, after all. I might not be cut out for the complexities, though, as that poker coach told me.
And I’m sure not ready to give back all the money. Frankly, it wasn’t even really stolen and wasn’t really cheating. I needed it, too, for me, for Grandma, and I guess for this trip. I swear, if I can rebuild it return it to Soh Ju Chen and the boys, I will.
You always have to have a plan. I mean they say healthcare is free up there but that can’t really be true. Someone always pays. Your boy Ian knows how things work in this life.
I’ll admit, I do feel a little guilty – and yes, maybe this is a little racist, I really am I good guy – but I certainly don’t want to hear any more Chinese.
In fact, I really hope they speak English in Alberta.
“What do you think, Grandma? Eyes on the road, Ian, I know.”