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RTA, Chapter Three

Road Trip to Alberta 3.6

Blue skies, warm air, spray-painted and broken concrete. Rubble and cars. The smell of oil and piss and people. Is that Go Kart World over there? It’s all tires in L.A., as if we eat them. That’s the hazy energy I feed off of, a life of potted plants beside tubs of trash, beer bottles and joint stubs. Will I be okay in spacious Alberta with all the grains and socialists? Well, while I have some down time here on the 405, I need to get organized.

Organi-ziz-ed, like that poor hero in the movie with Cybil!

Even with Grandma comfortably strapped down in the back seat, our Taurus’ oil fresh changed, and Soh Ju in the rear mirror (well not literally, thank god), I feel overwhelmed.

There is so much to think about. I’m going to start a list, although I wish I had a better pen on the road. I didn’t have a lot of time and these ballpoint sticks really suck.

  • Reach California border
  • Find motel for tonight
  • Erase all Soh Ju Chen’s messages
  • Organize Gram’s pills
  • Have lunch
  • Study Canadian Law
  • Find driver’s license.

Isn’t it hard to write on the plastic window of the envelope? Anyway, the last one might confuse you a bit. I mean, I know I took it with me, it’s just not in my wallet, but it’s in one of these bags.

(And we definitely missed lunch. Cross that one off.)

Naturally I know exactly where Grandma’s license is! I use it all the time. I had to start cashing her checks, of course. Then when she couldn’t leave home, I started going to The Dollar Cage. When there was some confusion over my credentials (my last name Snifter is not hers), I talked to Gila from the table games at the Endboss. She knew all about everything financial and was able to get the checks cashed for a small fee.

(Should probably add reading The Manifesto to the list, in case they have questions about their government at the border. I’m getting excited, as you can see.)

Slow down, Ian. I’m not focusing. Because what I really want to talk about – here let me put in park again- is Death with Dignity. That’s the whole story here.

From what I understand, Canada is essentially a communist country and so takes care of its subjects. (We know so much more about government and the evils of capitalism these days, don’t get me started.) Garry Trudeau, the president, signed into law Medically Assisted Death (MAD for short) on Christmas of 2022 as a gift to his fellow citizens.

But here’s the thing: from what I can tell in the brochure Grandma left out for me and on the dot Canada website, you don’t have to be a from Canada to benefit from MAD!

However, I can’t count on that – nothing good lasts forever. That’s why we needed to hit the road now. (Well, I mean, Soh Ju’s threat to hang me with my intestines was an impetus too but I totally meant to get going on this ASAP.)

After all, it’s what Grandma deserves. She’s done so much for me, even in her “quiet time,” as I call this period of her life. Is she getting a little pale, though? We need to get off the highway and get some dinner, find that motel and some rest. I’m not huge on sleeping in the same room with Grandma, but the truth is we don’t have a lot of money, despite what you saw me win on the Endboss poker stream. I didn’t have all of my own action, and Soh Ju was pretty obnoxious about meeting me at the cage every night, the little fucker.

Traffic is brutal today – lot of honking people. Relax, things are good, all you Angels! (Los Angeles, you see.)

And the truth is, she is not young and these medicines, well, they are the corporate ones and might not work. They poison us and overcharge us. They fill the air with chemtrails. Did you know about those, Gram? Shocking.

I check her with the mirror: she is staring out the back window. Hang on, Grandma. You gave me a home when all had abandoned me, and I’m not letting you down.

It would be such a shame if she passed before we can get her the help she deserves.

Thank you, Garry Trudeau. Canada, we’re coming!

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